


Joshler Scenarios

by vocalfew, weeeeniechester



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Foul Language, Humor, Minor Violence, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:06:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7516298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vocalfew/pseuds/vocalfew, https://archiveofourown.org/users/weeeeniechester/pseuds/weeeeniechester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh, Tyler, and their violent, psychotic alter egos go on a few adventures. Enjoy.<br/>(A big thanks to Ross for the dialogue. Love you, my dude.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Family Time

**Blank:** This is stupid as hell.  
  
 **Tyler:** it's Man VS Wild, it's not stupid.  
  
 **Blurry:** Everyone shut the fuck up, he's about to eat a bug.  
  
 **All:** -silence-  
  
 **All:** Eeeeewww..  
  
 **Blurry:** Sick..  
  
 **Blank:** Gimme the goddamn remote.  
  
  


_*three minutes later*_   
  
  


**Tyler:** BLANK, LET HIM GO.  
  
 **Blank:** HE CALLED ME A RACCOON  
  
 **Blurry:** This is better than cable.  
  
 **Blank:** GIVE ME THE FUCKING REMOTE AND I'LL LET HIM GO.  
  
 **Josh:** -choking af-  
  
 **Blurry:** Guys- stay like that, I'm gonna go make some popcorn.  
  
 **Tyler:** YOU'RE KILLING HIM.  
  
 **Blank:** THAT'S THE POINT, YOU FUCKING LAMPSHADE  
  
 **Josh:** -trying to say something about a lampshade-  
  
 **Blank:** I'M GONNA RAM THIS REMOTE UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
  
  


_*ten minutes later*_   
  
  


**Josh:** I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE  
  
 **Blank:** I'M GONNA RIP YOUR ARMS OFF AND FEED THEM TO THE CAT  
  
 **Tyler:** WE DON'T EVEN OWN A CAT  
  
 **Blurry:** I'm out of fucking popcorn...


	2. Josh's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh turns 28.

**Tyler:** -smol bean pleased with the party hat on his head-  
  
 **Josh:** -also v pleased with his own-  
  
 **Josh:** -wearing birthday sash that says "birthday princess"-  
  
 **Blurry:** Hey, uh.. Josh..?  
  
 **Blurry:** Blank and I got you something.  
  
 **Blank:** You know, for your birthday.  
  
 **Blurry:** -offers him a small, horribly wrapped box sealed w dark stained duct tape-  
  
 **Josh:** -ca r e f u l l y takes box-

**Josh:** -peels away paper-  
  
 **Josh:**  Condoms...  
  
 **Blurry:** Well duh.

**Blank:** We wanted to made sure you used protection when you go fuck yourself.  
  
 **Blurry:** Good one.

**Blank:** Shut the fuck up.


	3. The Signs As Blurry/Blank Scenarios

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Which one are you?

**Aries:** Blurry and Blank fighting to the deathover the last poptart  
  
 **Taurus:** Blurry and Blank mutually scaring the living crap out of Tyler and Josh  
  
 **Gemini:** Blurry and Blank throwing food at each other @ the dinner table  
  
 **Cancer:** Blurry and Blank getting into an "I know you are but what am I" fight   
  
**Leo:** Blurry and Blank sabotaging Tyler's piano so that every time he hits a note, it makes a whoopie cushion fart   
  
**Virgo:** Blurry and Blank having violent hate sex  
  
 **Libra:** Blurry and Blank dying side by side but still calling each other a piece of shit whilst bleeding half to death  
  
 **Scorpio:** "Are you his organ doner?" "Pffft. More like Organ boner." "Good one, man. Up top." "Fuck you."  
  
 **Sagittarius:** Blank shoving Blurry into a koi pond in the mall  
  
 **Capricorn:** Blank casually asking permission to shove his face into this fucking blender  
  
 **Aquarius:** Blurry prank calling Blank from the bathroom  
  
 **Pisces:** "Did it hurt?" "What?" "When you fell from my asshole into the toilet cause you're a literal piece of shit"  


	4. Stuck On A Desert Island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will they survive? Yeah, probably not.

**Blank:** I'm so hungry..  
  
 **Blurry:** It's been five minutes.  
  
  
  
 **Tyler:** -trying to craft a ukelele out of sticks-  
  
 **Josh:** I wonder if I can make a coconut bra..  
  
  


**Blank:** You wanna eat those guys?  
  
 **Blurry:** Eh, I wanna wait till dinner time..  
  
 **Blank:** I don't even think they'd taste good anyway.  
  
  


_*ten minutes later*_   
  
  


**Tyler:** WILSOOOOOOON.  
  
 **Josh:** Dude.  
  
**Tyler:** Sorry, I got excited.  
  
  


**Blurry:** -beating the crap out of Blank-  
  
  
 **Blurry:** WE HAVE TO EAT, YOU DUMB PIECE OF STEAK  
  
 **Blurry:** I MEAN SHIT  
  
 **Blurry:** GOD I'M HUNGRY  
  
  


**Josh:** -writing on a leaf with a twiglet- _Dear mom, Summer camp is going really well._

**Tyler:** -trying to catch a crab-

**Josh:** _I'm making lots of new friends..._

**Tyler:** -catches crab-

**Josh:** _I even learned how to weave a basket..._

**Tyler:** -tries to bite live crab-

**Josh:** -twiglet breaks-

**Tyler:**  -running past josh with crab hanging from his nostril- _**LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO**_

**Josh:** -patient sigh-

**Tyler:** **HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME**

**Josh:** -quietly sends leaf into the sea-


	5. Hopped Up On Laughing Gas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blankface stole some crazy stuff from the dentist's office.   
> Why?   
> Cause he has opposable thumbs.
> 
> He gets everyone to try it.

**Tyler:** -singing his ABC's at the top of his lungs with tears in his eyes-  
  
 **Tyler:** I think if my hands ever fell off, i would get Josh to sew them to my face   
  
**Tyler:** -ugly sobbing-  
  
 **Tyler:** -air guitaring whilst screaming ABC's-  
  
  


**Blurry:** THE GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO KILL US  
  
 **Blurry:** WHERE ARE MY MCCHICKEN NUGGETS  
  
  


**Josh:** -screaming at a mirror-  
  
 **Josh:** Look, I'm Tyler everyone--  
  
 **Josh:** AAAAT THE TWIIIILIIIIIIIGHT'S LAAAAAAAST GL EEEEAAAAMIIIIIING  
  
  


**Blank:** -aggressively humping the wall-  
  
  


**Josh:** WIIIIIITH THE ROOOOCKETS REEEED GLLAAAAAAARE  
  
  


**Blurry:** -whisper- But we... _We_ are iguanas...  
  
  


**Josh:** THE BOMBS BUUURSTING IN AIIIIIR -voice crack-  
  
  


**Tyler:** putting his shoes on his hands-  
  
 **Tyler:** VANS FOR HANDS.  
  
 **Tyler:** -clapping feet hands-  
  
  


**Blank:** -singing Grind On Me whilst shivving Blurry in the throat-  
  
 **Blank:** EVERYONE I LOVE IS DEAD  
  
  


**Blurry:** I can't feel... my face.  
  
 **Blurry:** -maniacal giggling-  
  
  


**Josh:** I'M PREGNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
  
  


**Tyler:** -smushing his cheeks together with the bottoms of his shoes-  
  
  
  


**Josh:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
  
  
  


**Blurry:** I think Freddy Mercury was more of a state of mind..  
  
  


**Josh:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaa...  
  
 **Josh:** -deep breath-  
  
 **Josh:** aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if someone could illustrate this, i would probably die.


	6. Thanksgiving Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What better time to be thankful for your horrible, foul mouthed doppelgangers than Thanksgiving?  
> Blurry, Tyler, Josh, and Blank all sit around the table and (try to) enjoy a delicious (store-bought) meal together.

**tyler:** alright... uh...  
  
 **tyler:** dear God, thank you for this food, thanks for--  
  
 **blurry:** -begins choking-  
  
 **tyler:** wha-  
  
 **josh:** he's... what- what's happening--  
  
 **blurry:** -convulsing-  
  
 **tyler:** wait--... he does this sometimes.  
  
 **blurry:** -pressing hands against his throat- GOD HAS LEFT US LONG AGO.  
  
 **tyler:** blurry... we're trying to pra-  
  
 **blurry:**  I WILL RIP OUT YOUR INSIDES AND STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR VOCAL CHORDS  
  
 **tyler:  
  
blank:  
  
josh:  
  
tyler:** -loud sigh-  
  
 **tyler:** Dear Go-  
  
 **blurry:** -begins to screech again-  
  
 **blank:** -grabs his enTIRE CHaiR aND F L I PS him OUT OF IT-  
  
 **blank:** -calmly sits back down into his chair-  
  
 **blank:** -neatly folds napkin in his lap-  
  
 **blank:** amen.  


	7. Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The four go on a roadtrip.   
> Chaos* ensues.

**tyler:** stop kicking my seat.  
  
 **blurry:** stop kicking my seat  
  
 **josh:** *trying to focus on the road* blurry, cut it out.  
  
 **blurry:** blurry, cut it out.  
  
 **tyler:** if he doesn't stop kicking my seat, i'm gonna kill him.  
  
 **blank:** then i call shotgun after.  
  
 **josh:** NO ONE IS KILLING ANYONE. Blurry, stop kicking his seat.  
  
 **blurry:  
  
tyler:  
  
blurry:  
  
tyler:  
  
blank: **and now we just sit in si-  
  
 **tyler:** stop the car.  
  
  


_*josh and tyler have switched positions, tyler is now driving*_   
  
  


**blank:** can i drive?  
  
 **tyler:** no.  
  
 **blank:** but why?  
  
 **josh:** the last time you drove, i had to get my car towed.  
  
 **blank:** it WASN'T that big of a deal.  
  
 **josh:** you drove it up the side of a fence.  
  
 **blank:** i don't even remember that..  
  
 **blank:** i must have  
  
 **blank:** BLANKED OUT.  
  
 **blurry:** -shoves the car door open and tosses self out-  
 **  
josh:  
  
tyler: ***slowly pulls over*  
  
  
  


****_BONUS:  
  
_

**blank:** *cocks shotgun*  
  
 **blurry:** ** _whATFGTYHEFUCK_**  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *i don't know what you were expecting


	8. Recording An Album? Nah.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross wrote this entire chapter, and the next one. Thanks, Ross. You're my fave.

_Blurry, Blank, Josh and Tyler recording The Judge:_  
  


**Tyler:** You're the judge, oh no, set me free-eeeeeee  
  


**Josh:** /drummin along  
  


**Tyler:** You're the judge, oh no-- /points to Blurry  
  


**Blurry:** /plain voice; Set me free.  
  


**Tyler:** .... You're the judge, oh no--  
  


**Blank:** SET ME FUCKING FREE.  
  


**Josh:**  
  


**Tyler:**  
  


**Blurry:**  
  


**Blank:**  
  


**Josh:** /throws drumstick at Blank's head  
  


**Tyler:** JOSH DUN  
  


**Josh:** /goes back to drumming  
  


 


	9. Drum Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh decides to give Blankface some drum lessons (Credit to Ross <3)

**Blank:** Okay, how do I do this?

 

**Josh:** You're me, you should know.

 

**Blank:** Last time I played the drums, you were performing and--

 

**Josh:** You _scared_  everyone.

 

**Blank:** Fucking right I did. It was great.

 

**Josh:** Blank, you destroyed my drumset and everyone thought I got angry. Tyler had to explain it was part of the show.

 

**Blank:** Didn't I treat Tyler fine?

 

**Josh:** YOU HIT HIS UKULELE OVER YOUR HEAD.

 

**Blank:** I guess I just sorta....

 

**Josh:** Don't-

 

**Blank:** BLANKED OUT AHAH.

 

**Blurry:** I fucking hate your guts


	10. Josh's Birthday pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, Roosaroonie.   
> Tyler, Blank and Blurry throw a party for Josh. Not the best idea.

**Tyler:** Okay, you both need to behave.

 

**Blurry:** Fine.

 

**Blank:** Beehive, you say?

 

**Tyler:** Blank, no. BEHAVE.

 

**Josh:** /walks into a dark house

 

**Josh:** ...Guys?

 

**Tyler:** /flicks lights on

 

**Blurry & Tyler:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

 

**Blank:** /holding a beehive

 

**Blank:** OH! YOU SAID BEHAVE! Silly me. I hope no ones allergic to bees.


End file.
